Have you ever gotten drunk?
Have you ever smoked pot?
When was the first time you had sex?
Oh, the questions you have to answer if you actually talk with your daughters.
The time between those questions and “who’s your favorite Backyardigan or Disney Princess?” is not that far apart.
Kids in middle school are experimenting with the reality behind those inquiries.
So, how do you answer them?
With the truth.
It's an integrity issue. Besides, she will eventually discover the truth if you lie now. You also need to answer in a way appropriate for your daughter's age. And if you just happen to be standing in line at WalMart when she asks, you can wait—but don't put it off too long.
For some, answering the questions might be hard, because you don’t want your daughter to realize you might have been one of the naughty boys you are trying to keep away from her. But honesty is the best policy.
It’s not about do-as-I-say-not-as-I-did, but about explaining right and wrong. That you did make mistakes and how that impacted your life. Consequences—all actions have them. Yes, the what-ifs are a bit different than when we were young—STDs, guns, date rape, pregnancy, etc. Sure, those things were around, but not as prevalent back then. Let her know you don’t want her to suffer from wrong choices she can avoid.
As you prepare for this discussion—which will be spontaneous, so watch out—be ready to answer the loaded question: “Did you regret doing any of those things?”
Ouch.
How do you answer that one honestly? For some, negative consequences make this answer easy. And a very good learning opportunity.
But for others who “partied like it was 1999” and didn’t get hurt, here’s a suggestion. Answer it by talking about missed opportunities. Could you have had better grades, getting you into a better college? Could you have been a better athlete? Made different friends? Did you loose friends? Miss a chance to do something great? Could relationships with your family been better? Did someone you know get hurt by your actions?
The key here is to be ready for this conversation. Because if you are engaging with you daughter you will talk about these things.
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