Battling Self Image: Evoluntion of a Lie

You hear and see how women are subjected to an unrealistic standard of perfection through media—movies, photos, magazines, online.

Images of what they are supposed to be.

So how do these models, actors and musician become (false) perfection?
By technology.
Not new elliptical trainers or scientific diets, but by computers.

Watch this short video with your daughters and ask them if they ever suspected such perfection wasn’t real.

Do you hear what she's trying to say?

Do you know what is going inside you daughters head?
Is she having trouble at school, home or work?
How are her relationships with other?
What about boys?
Do you feel she is drawing inward?
All are cries for help?

Have you looked at yourself, maybe, just maybe, you might be at fault?
You as a father will have an impact. Positive or Negative.
Which are you fostering?
There's always time to make positive changes.




Does Anybody Hear Her by Casting Crowns
She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older
And she's three more steps behind

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

If judgment looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we've never even met her

If judgment looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we've never even met her

If Judgement looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we've never even met her

Never even met her
(Never Even Met her)

(OHHHHH)Does anybody hear her? Does anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me

Does anybody hear her? (Does anybody hear her?) Does anybody see? (Does anybody See?)
Does anybody even know she's going down today?
Under the shadow of our steeple (shadow of her steeple)
With all the lost and lonely people (Lost and Lonely people)
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Does anybody see?

He is running a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction

Redefining Beautiful

Check out this new book by Jenna Lucado (Max Lucado's daughter).
It's about inner beauty and the relationship with a father and daughter.

How much Miley is too much?

Princess Aurora, Cinderella, Hannah Montana, Tinkerbell.
They are all being mass marketed at your daughter and your wallet. I admit we have plenty of items with their smiling faces.

But how much is too much?

I have a friend who doesn’t buy any of that so his daughter will not be a poster board for Mattel or Disney. I completely understand that logic. Everything I ever bought from NorthFace, I immediately took a black Sharpie and colored in the large white logo most satellites can see.

Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana is not a role model, nor is there a likely chance your daughter will be a princess (to anyone but you).

The fact BillyRay’s daughter is singing and giving my daughter a muse is powerful. A princess looking for true love is life lesson I hope my daughter will understand. These two things give my daughter hope and expectations for her future. They help her dream. And at a young age, children need to be dreamers, letting their imaginations wonder, play and create.

To paraphrase Uncle Buck… “I don’t think I want to know a kid who’s not a dreamer or a silly heart.”

As a father, you need to know what your kids are watching, reading, hearing and how much. Garbage in equals garbage out. Too much of just about anything can be bad, especially TV.
Your daughter’s mind is very naïve to the world, so you must be the gatekeeper. Protect her, but give her room to grow.

In doing so, find things that ignite her mind. Songs. Stories. Movies. Paintings. Music. Dance. Sports. Hiking. Wild Flowers. Books.

These are what will foster her dreams. Dreams for play. Dreams for her future.

Your Words to Her: Life or Death

“Words as weapons sharper than knives
Makes you wonder how the other half die”
INXS “Devil Inside”

“Do you lose sleep at night
Do you ever stop to think
Where it went wrong for you
Who turned your reds to blue
Who put those tiny daggers in your heart”
INXS “Tiny Daggers”

As men it is hard for us to completely understand the way a women thinks, how her emotions work. (That’s no revelation.)
Now think about how a maturing woman, a girl, understands it. We are still behind.

So, how do we as fathers try to help in raising our daughter when we don’t even understand how she works?

One of the obvious ways is our words.

Are your words positive?
Are your words encouraging?
Are your words edifying?
Are your words full of life?

Or do your words breathe death, killing her spirit and happiness from within?

We can build up our daughters with praise and encouraging words every day. There should always be an “I love you” spoken to your daughter before the sun goes down. There should be an acknowledgement of goods deeds and actions. Condolences for let downs. And make sure you answer her multitude of questions with a smile (unless you are six hours into a road trip, then ask to play the quiet game). And you need to be asking questions of her. Engage.

Your words let your daughter know you are paying attention to her life. Your words show her there is a relationship between you. It is the quality of the words that tells her what kind of relationship you want it to be. Hopefully, it is a nurturing relationship. Not controlling, narcissistic, passive or indifferent.

Now, I am not saying make up stuff and act like everything is OK, when it might not be. That is when how we speak is important.

I’m one of the black & white type of thinkers. I can be short and blunt. My wife has repeated these words to me several times, “it’s not what you say it’s how you say it.”

Yes, your daughter needs to be disciplined at times, but not belittled and frightened.
Watch your tone and if you have a big voice like me, watch the volume.

Don’t be sarcastic or demeaning.

Never call her a name, those daggers will lodge in her tender heart.

Your words will be remembered. Make them good memories.

(As my wife proofed this, she gave me the raised eyebrow, letting me know I need to be paying attention to my own words, written and spoken.)

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire…

Have you ever gotten drunk?
Have you ever smoked pot?
When was the first time you had sex?

Oh, the questions you have to answer if you actually talk with your daughters.
The time between those questions and “who’s your favorite Backyardigan or Disney Princess?” is not that far apart.
Kids in middle school are experimenting with the reality behind those inquiries.

So, how do you answer them?
With the truth.
It's an integrity issue. Besides, she will eventually discover the truth if you lie now. You also need to answer in a way appropriate for your daughter's age. And if you just happen to be standing in line at WalMart when she asks, you can wait—but don't put it off too long.

For some, answering the questions might be hard, because you don’t want your daughter to realize you might have been one of the naughty boys you are trying to keep away from her. But honesty is the best policy.

It’s not about do-as-I-say-not-as-I-did, but about explaining right and wrong. That you did make mistakes and how that impacted your life. Consequences—all actions have them. Yes, the what-ifs are a bit different than when we were young—STDs, guns, date rape, pregnancy, etc. Sure, those things were around, but not as prevalent back then. Let her know you don’t want her to suffer from wrong choices she can avoid.

As you prepare for this discussion—which will be spontaneous, so watch out—be ready to answer the loaded question: “Did you regret doing any of those things?”

Ouch.

How do you answer that one honestly? For some, negative consequences make this answer easy. And a very good learning opportunity.

But for others who “partied like it was 1999” and didn’t get hurt, here’s a suggestion. Answer it by talking about missed opportunities. Could you have had better grades, getting you into a better college? Could you have been a better athlete? Made different friends? Did you loose friends? Miss a chance to do something great? Could relationships with your family been better? Did someone you know get hurt by your actions?

The key here is to be ready for this conversation. Because if you are engaging with you daughter you will talk about these things.

Reality Sets In

“I'm ridin' down the highway
In a brand new mini van
Wife and kids screamin'
Ooh God I'm a family man”
-Keb Mo, “Slow Down”

So when did you wake up and realize life was different? Responsibilities. Commitments. Children to feed. Change in Priorities.

It’s not a prison sentence. It’s a blessed life, if you stand up to the challenge. And it will be challenging if you are willing to engage. The reward will be amazing. But if you are passive, a sub par life will drag on until your kids leave the house (or your wife files court papers). Such a sad house that will be.

So, put some curb feelers, fog lights and a racing stripe on that mini-van. Make B.A. Baracus proud. Accept life is different now, and that it can be even better than you imagined. Come up with a plan to save your team and the world. (Though I would not recommend crashing the van through any houses, you’ll need to make a stop at the grocery store later.)