Your Pedestal

ped•es•tal \ˈpe-dəs-təl\ (merriam-webster.com)
1 a: the support or foot of a late classic or neoclassic column b: the base of an upright structure
2: BASE, FOUNDATION
3: a position of esteem


I heard someone say once that you can’t hide on your pedestal forever, because your kids will pull (push or knock) you off.

What that means to me…Be open, honest and vulnerable with your children. Let them know your feelings, your hurts, your happiness, your disappointments and your love.

I’m not talking about cheering when the SEC wins another football championship…(Or sobbing when Ohio State can’t win the big game outside the Big 10.) …But sharing troubles at work, friendship issues, physical pain, disagreements with your wife and how you deal with the other issues life throws at you. I am not saying your girls need full disclosure and gory details. I am sure they can already tell something is wrong. Don’t let their minds wander toward fear. Let them know the truth and how you plan to solve the problem.

A friend told me his stepdaughter, now in her mid 20s cannot tolerate any type of fighting between people. She will actually leave a restaurant if someone a few tables away is having a minor argument. He told me, her biological father never showed his feelings about anything, which now makes her supersensitive to any display of emotion—good or bad.

If you want your daughter to grow up “well adjusted” she needs to know it is OK to cry (except in baseball), to laugh, to love and, yes, even to fail.

Don’t hide your failures from her. Talk about it. Don’t hide it—especially when it comes to parenting. Realize at some point in your role as a father you will have to apologize to her for your actions, reactions and flat out wrong behavior. Put your big-boy pants on and say these words… “I’m sorry.”

Those words could be the best show of humility she will ever see from the man who is trying to teach it. She needs to see you are willing admit what she (and your wife) already knows. She will forgive you.

"Little Miss Magic"

Jimmy Buffet, once you get past the Parrothead-Margaritaville lifestyle, could possibly be one of the greatest story tellers of our time.

I have to admit, I used to sing parts of this along with some of my own lyrics to one of our girls. My wife would always ask me what I was singing to our baby girl in the middle of the night to help her go to sleep. I never would tell her—always said it was a secret. (If she reads this post, I guess she’ll find out.) This song also is the muse for the nickname I gave her, though not intentional.
I doubt our daughter will ever remember me singing to hear in the dark of night. That’s probably a good thing, because I can’t sing. But, I do know she knows I'll be there for her.

“Little Miss Magic”
Constantly amazed by the blades of the fan on the ceiling
The clever little glances she gives me can't help but be appealing
She loves to ride into town with the top down
Feel that warm breeze on her gentle skin
She is my next of kin

Chorus:
I see a little more of me everyday
I catch a little more moustache turning gray
Your mother is the only other woman for me
Little miss magic, what you gonna be?

Sometimes I catch her dreamin and wonder where that little mind meanders
Is she strollin along the shore or cruisin oer the broad savannah
I know someday shell learn to make up her own rhymes
Someday she's gonna learn how to fly
Oh that I wont deny

Chorus:
I catch a little more dialogue comin my way
I see those big brown eyes just start to lookin astray
Your mothers still the only other woman for me
Little miss magic, what you gonna be?

Yes she loves to ride into town with the top down
Feel that warm breeze on her gentle skin
She is my next of kin

Constantly amazed by the blades of the fan on the ceiling
Those clever little looks she gives just can't help but be appealing
I know someday shell learn to make up her own rhymes
One day she's gonna learn how to fly
That I wont deny

Chorus:
I see a little more of me everyday
I feel a little more moustache turning gray
Your mothers still the only other woman for me
Little miss magic, what you gonna be?
Little miss magic, what you gonna be?
Little miss magic, just can't wait to see

Its raining, it's pouring
Your old man is snoring

Books Suggestions 1

So you are a Dad.
Do you really know what to do?
Sure, you can take the example your father laid out for you. Can you figure out what he did right and what he did wrong? The obvious things are easy to understand, but what about those not so obvious characteristics and mannerisms.
My dad didn’t do it right, though he won’t admit it. I didn’t realize that until I became a father. I didn’t know what to do because my example was flawed. Are you man enough to admit that? (forget about not stopping to ask for directions, this is more important).

With that, here are some book suggestions for you.

First, Wild At Heart by John Eldridge. This book will help you ask some very poignant questions about what kind of man you are. After all, how do expect to raise children into adults, if you don’t know that it means to be an adult? To know who you are? Warning, this book has a Christian perspective on life, but it could be the best self awareness book out there for guys. It’s no sissy self examination, but a look at why men are Men and what prevents us from being Men.

Second, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Meg Meeker. OK daddies, if you have daughters, you need, you must read this book. Like I said in an early post, you are the most influential person in the life of you daughter, especially for her self-esteem. With a strong sense of who she is, she will be able to make the tough choices in life, even when you are not there to protect her. This book will help you be the father you need to be.

Third, His Needs Her Needs by Willard Harley This book is for your marriage. How you treat your wife is the greatest example for you daughter in how she will pick a husband. What kind of husband do you want for you little girl? One that will honor, cherish, respect, love and adore her? Than you need to show her how that looks by being that type of husband to your wife. Show your daughter what a good marriage really looks like. (If you are having marriage trouble—get help.)

And if you say you don't like to read...well, that's another post.

Our Responsibility

Peter Parker’s uncle, Benjamin, said it best. Paraphrasing here…Great power must come with great responsibility. Our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man came to understand that.

But so many men don’t—Especially when it comes to raising children.

Yes, women have the great power to recreate our kind in their blessed bellies. But it is us, men, who have the power to grow children into complete beings, helping them reach their full potential—or crush them with our indifference, arrogance, belittling, passivity and abuse.

Fathers have different roles than mothers—both roles are important, building on each other. Take one away and your foundation crumbles like poorly mixed concrete.

We fathers are the number one influence on our daughter's self-esteem. Not mom, not her friends, teachers, bullies, Santa Claus or the boogey man. Us. Fathers.

If you don’t grasp that responsibility—making any needed changes—and father children with that knowledge, there will be no excuses for the teenagers and adults your young daughters grow into.